letting go

Wanting What I Have?


I feel as if I've been hit over the head lately with this question: Can I want what I have? Yoga philosophy (as well as what I understand of Buddhist teachings) suggests that this moment is complete and that wanting and longing for more or different can cause suffering. I would like to think that I am here, welcoming what is present now.

But wanting is insidious. There is the obvious, that we live in a society where more equals better: more money, bigger house, better job status. In arrogance, I suppose, I like to think I have moved beyond that. I see how many of those ego-driven material wants have been left behind. And then, I pause and reflect.

I notice the more subtle wanting that remains. I do not want the physical pain I have – I wish it would go away. I do not want the limitations of a body once challenged by cancer and still carrying significant long-term complications. I want to be seen in a certain way rather than simply trusting the reality under the clothes, the haircut, the jewelry.

So I set my intention to invite the possibility that this life I live is exactly as it should be; that I can see the fullness of what is here (whether I want it or not); and that I can open to what is present now; and that I can see this moment as my teacher.

From this place it is possible to shift my orientation from scarcity to abundance. And as I do this, some exciting new possibilities are opening up.